Positive reinforcement for the Hubs

I have to share my homemade Valentine’s gift for the hubster.  It has seriously worked wonders in this house!

I got into a rut where I felt like all I did was pick on or criticize my husband at every turn.  I was beyond frustrated with him for many things (most deserved) and I was sick of it and I’m sure he was sick of it.

Coming from a background in Behavior Analysis, I understand the importance of positive reinforcement.  However, every time I would come up with something he was doing well there would always be some sort of action (or lack of action) that would set me off before I had given him the praise.

It sounds bad, but I’m sure it is pretty common husband-wife interaction at times.  I should explain that my husband and I got married September of 2010, had our first child June of 2011, second child October 2012, and took in his 9-year-old full-time April 2012.  Our world changed pretty fast and he was having a difficult time catching up!  The stress of 2 under 2 and trying to change 9 year old habits from lack of parenting really put us to the test.

I decided enough was enough.  My husband was little by little trying to make improvements and I was too overwhelmed to notice and was still frustrated with the big picture.  I needed a way to praise him and let him know I was noticing.

I found a frame and let my little guy color a piece of paper to which I added “I love you for…” and placed it in the frame.

Each time he does something that is helpful or shows he’s trying to be there for me and the kids, I write it with a dry erase marker on the glass.

This way, even if I’m crabbing because he came in late for dinner and stayed down I the basement for 30 minutes while I fed all three kids and changed two diapers, he can still go into the bedroom later and realize that I did notice that he had emptied the dishwasher the night before.

I think it has one wonders for our family! I felt a little silly when I first gave it to him, but he reads it and I can tell he looks forward to new messages. He has really stepped it up, and I know he feels better when I recognize how hard he tries.

Who knew something so small could do so much for our marriage and family! Linking here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here