Do you ever feel like your constantly scolding your children? Turn it all around with these tips for using praise more than punishment and catching them being good!
How you can create a happier environment for all by focusing praising good behaviors more than punishing undesirable behavior. How focusing on catching your child being good can help reduce the instances of misbehaving and punishment.
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One of the hardest part of parenting is being positive when children are being difficult.
This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. Our daughter has always been spirited and more of a rule bender than our son. However, with the start of the school year and now the time change, we have been struggling with behavior.
It is moments like this that remind me how good we do have it with our kids. Tantrums have never really been a problem for us, they are pretty good listeners, and we haven’t had to instill a formal system of punishment for problem behavior. However, when things start to spiral out of control, it means we have to reign it in and take a look at what we’ve been doing.
Catch them being good
I get a lot of praise for my two kiddos’ behavior. Since they were little people have commented on how polite and well-behaved they are.
It leaves me a little flustered, but it is the best compliment any mom could receive! However, as someone who lives with them, I know they aren’t perfect. We have our share of behavioral issues.
I will say this, I also think I have some pretty good kids. I have seen plenty of little ones and parents who struggle with behavior daily. As a behavioral therapist for many years with a masters in Behavior Analysis and Therapy, I have an advantage. Regardless, even we have our ups and downs.
I do feel proud of how we’ve parented our kids and how they behave in general and in public.
It really all comes down to one thing…
Praise
Since the kids were babies, I have always tried to catch them being good. If you could have been a fly on our wall from the time they were born, you probably would have gone crazy with how many times a day I praised our kids.
When they were babies it was, “good talking!” and “good waiting.” As they became a bit older it was, “I love how you used your words” and “thank you for waiting until I was finished.”
Also Read: The importance of behavior specific praise
I have to admit, it has been more difficult as the kids have gotten older and life has gotten busier. It takes more of an effort to make sure I catch them being good.
Praise more than punishment
It’s especially difficult to deliver praise when the kids are having a difficult time and misbehaving. We can easily spiral into those moments where we feel like all we’re doing is scolding them. It can seem impossible to bring it back to normal.
This is when it’s more important than ever to find instances to praise your child and turn things around. Even something as little as, “I like how you calmed down” or “thank you for being quite” can go a long way to start to change the tide.
For best results, use behavior specific praise so your child knows what behavior you are praising. You can find examples of behavior specific praise here.
Always stay consistent and stick to the punishment you set. However, when they are calm, listening, or even just finally quiet, add some soft praise as well.
Also Read: The absolute WRONG time to use time out
Strategies to help praise your child more
Two to one
Ok, it’s not an exact science, but here is something that may help. If you have found your interactions to be increasingly negative, try to adopt a rule of two to one praise to scolding ratio.
Be on the lookout for the little things that you can praise your child for. For every time you have had to scold your child, try to find two (even very small) things you can praise them for. Keeping things on a positive note can help a lot for your child and you.
Five rubber bands
If praise doesn’t come naturally to you, or if you have been feeling like things have been more negative than positive lately, try this…
Place five rubber bands on your wrist.
For each time you praise your child, switch a band to the other wrist.
A visual reminder is always helpful. Praise doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It can be especially difficult when you’re pushed to your limits and exhausted. This is when that reminder will come in handy.
If you’re really finding it difficult, you can even incorporate little pre-made love notes into your child’s day.
Parents need this too
Praise is not only important for the child, but it helps us parents too. We might be stretched so thin that we don’t think we can possibly turn a bad day around. Or we might have a stubborn child who is pushing our limits at every turn and the day is getting worse and worse…
Finding those little bits of praise will help everyone crawl up out of the negative spiral. Sometimes you have to dig very deep to find even one thing to praise, but I promise, it will start you on the right path.
Also Read: Why we should NOT ask our kids questions
Keep it up!
As I said, I have been piling on the praise since our kiddos were babies. I’m not buttering them up or making them full of themselves. What I’m doing is telling them how I wish for them to behave. Or, using positive reinforcement of desirable behaviors.
You’ll find that the more you reinforce the good behaviors, the less you have to worry about reacting with punishment for the bad behaviors.
If you can make praise a habit, you will have positive interactions that are the teachable moments. You will be proactive rather than having to be reactive when you have to correct a behavior.
It’s such a parenting win!
For examples of behavior specific praise you can use visit this post: Behavior Specific Praise: How to tell your kids what you want.
If you have any questions about how to catch your kids being good or to praise more often than punish, please feel free to comment below or reach out to me!
As a behavioral therapist for 8 years and a mom for 8 years, I’m so happy to help offer any advice I can!
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