This parenting tips is so simple and easy to implement, but it’s a real game changer. Why we should NOT ask our kids questions.

Too many times we ask our children a question when we don’t really want an answer. By rephrasing what we say and cutting out the questions, we will save ourselves a lot of headaches! So easy, but also easy to forget!

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We’re all guilty of this…

“Do you want to help me with the groceries?”

and our kids politely reply, “no, thank you.”

Well, shoot…

I mean, I did ask if they wanted to help, and they were truthful in saying they would not like to. To be honest, I don’t want to carry and put away the groceries either, so maybe I should have re-phrased that…

Why we should NOT ask our kids questions

When we’re talking with our kids and spending quality time together, asking questions is great! I would never suggest we stop asking them questions about their day, their lives, or anything that is on their little minds.

However, when we’re talking about teaching our kids responsibility, we need them to complete basic chores or just help out, that is a time when we should NOT ask our kids questions.

If you phrase it as a question, and they politely reply that they would rather not do what you’re asking, can we even be upset?

Not really. In fact, I would go as far as to say they should be praised for their appropriate response. Especially, if they were polite and said, “no, thank you.”

It’s also important to teach our children that we are on their side and will respect their wishes. If we are asking if they want to do something, it’s nice to show them that we honor their answer and will not force them.

Also check out: Praise More Than Punish – catch them being good!

Sometimes there just isn’t a choice.

What we mean is that we would like them to do something. Sure, we’d love if they would want to help us or make the right choice, but we can be honest with ourselves and say that we probably wouldn’t chose these tasks either if we had another option.

It does take a conscious effort to take that question out of what we say.

I find myself doing it all the time. Instead, we have to re-phrase our question into a statement.

Instead of, “would you like to help me with the groceries?” we can say, “I would like your help with the groceries.” Or even better, “please help carry this bag for me.”

Keep it short and sweet. After receiving the help, it is also nice to add some praise and let your child know exactly why you appreciate their help. “Thank you so much for helping me with the groceries, that really made my job easier. Being helpful really makes people feel good.”

Also check out: Examples of behavior Specific Praise

 

What are we teaching our kids?

I used to work with kiddos with autism doing behavioral therapy. One of the key things we learned is to keep instructions short and sweet. At the same time that we are teaching different skill sets, we are also always teaching socially appropriate behavior. Therefore, if I ask a question instead of giving an instruction, there is no way I can punish a socially appropriate response.

This is the same for our little ones. Yes, I’d like them to clean their rooms, put on their pajamas before brushing their teeth, or finish their dinner. However, if I give them a choice, “no” is still an appropriate answer.

That is, until they are also able to understand that we are often expected to do things we would rather not. Kids can’t possibly get this right away, but it’s our job as parents to let them know why these tasks are important.

It’s important to go to swim lessons to learn to swim and stay safe around water.

We must eat our veggies to give our bodies healthy fuel.

A clean room means that we can find things we need them.

Helping someone in need makes you a better person and makes others feel good.

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This is our ultimate job

First, teaching our children to follow instructions and learn basic tasks.

Next, helping them understand why such tasks are important and developing character.

We got this, Moms!

Ask your kiddos all the questions you want about their day, their dreams, and anything on their minds.

Just don’t ask them if they want to do the dishes, because they probably don’t. And the truth is, you don’t either.

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